Well, I found out on Monday evening when my neurologist called that my MS is definitely active...or at least it was in July post-steroids.
This is not good. Basically the course of steroids that I took for 13 days if you include the time when I was taking a 'taper' of prednisone after 5 days of solumedrol via IV, should have stopped the flare up in it's tracks, in other words made the lesions inactive. I got an MRI a few weeks after the steroids and the lesions still showed activity at the time of the MRI which means the flare up was still happening.
Since the MRI I've also gone to see a naturopath who I really like, I first met her through an empowerment workshop I attended and she informed me of the IVIG treatment which is considered to be the safest way to prevent flare-up's when nursing. My neuro had been toying with the idea of a heavy monthly steroid infusion which would require pumping and dumping (not pleasant) and of course the crazy steroid side effects. So back to this week when I saw the neuro, she seemed really concerned about the 'what if' scenarios that involve IVIG seeing as how it is derived from other people's blood supply. I do want to ask my naturopath if this is really that much of an issue or just a fear that the more western medicine etc.
Another appointment I had on monday that went fabulously was with a new Physical Therapist who I really look forward to seeing again. She was able to show me that my pelvis/hip was out of alignment (no wonder walking/jogging etc was so painful!!) and more importantly how to get it BACK INTO alignment, which instantly made me feel so much more comfortable and stable.
Other good things that are going on involve the house...my husband has been working tirelessly on both this and his new company/product launch and it is absolutely paying off. We now have walls, and the remaining pieces to the puzzle involve the flooring, connecting the electricity (to the plug/faces etc.) and also installing a few major lighting pieces as well as plumbing in the kitchen and bathroom. It is an absolutely huge relief to see so much progress happening here though I am feeling a bit torn about leaving the beach as I do love it here in West Seattle.
So, I'm really bummed that my MS is acting up. I am working hard to try and reduce my stress and anxiety though I am having an extremely hard time with this. I absolutely feel down in the dumps most of the time and insecure about everything from what kind of mother I am to my employability and of course finances. I feel very very overwhelmed I suppose is another way to say it.
Some good things have been happening though, someone has expressed an interest in using some of my illustrations in 2 books they are almost done writing for instance. I have also been doing a lot of research about what it would take to write a book about my experiences with life and how with each circumstance I was able to overcome and find the bright side and opportunity of it. I am finding the exercises in seeing if this is for me is helping me to inspire myself out of this slump that I am in currently.
I really want to go do a few things for myself...namely a haircut and some minimal shopping. I need to go through my clothes first, because it seems like I must have at least a few things that would fit me at this awkward transitional stage of my body post-baby. I'll get the haircut and while packing see if I can sort out a wardrobe of sorts.
I'm bummed that my MS is acting up
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Mount Bachelor
Mount Bachelor Academy, I'd like to say, "Fuck You.".
I can not believe that parents still are sending their children to be in your care.
I do owe you a few things, like removing the tiny bit of trust from the relationships I had with the people in my life that are commonly referred to as 'family'. For teaching me that yes, I can survive on the streets, living off of sugar, coffee, and whatever I could get from churches and people giving things away, (this is how one survives on the streets). Also, for teaching me that one can sleep at a truck stop with out being bothered, at least not too much. For teaching me sex in a sleeping bag is possible. For teaching me that it is possible to be able to be somewhere, and t0 have to lie to every single person because you know you can not trust them. For teaching me that I can survive and leave any situation that is plain psycho, as was my experience staying with you. I'm grateful that I was able to leave more than anything.
I'd like to say Fuck You for taking the necklace my mother made for me when I was being registered, then mysteriously being unable to find it once we requested it after I ran away, I wonder what 'safe keeping' means in this coded academic language of yours. I actually felt good after completing the hellish challenges of Red Cliff Academy, but you took allllll that away.
Now it is kind of my mission to educate parents about being involved in their children's lives...to not trust the slick marketing telling them they can send their children away to be fixed...instead to go to real group counseling and spend *gasp* time with their children to figure out what is going on, or send them to family, move to a different city, things of that nature.
If anyone reading this is considering sending their child to Mount Bachelor, don't. Don't. DON'T. Your child is yours, and deserves better. Adolescent years are rough, and at some point they end. Look for character building programs, like Klemmer or other POSITIVE programs to build the good in your children not kill it.
I can not believe that parents still are sending their children to be in your care.
I do owe you a few things, like removing the tiny bit of trust from the relationships I had with the people in my life that are commonly referred to as 'family'. For teaching me that yes, I can survive on the streets, living off of sugar, coffee, and whatever I could get from churches and people giving things away, (this is how one survives on the streets). Also, for teaching me that one can sleep at a truck stop with out being bothered, at least not too much. For teaching me sex in a sleeping bag is possible. For teaching me that it is possible to be able to be somewhere, and t0 have to lie to every single person because you know you can not trust them. For teaching me that I can survive and leave any situation that is plain psycho, as was my experience staying with you. I'm grateful that I was able to leave more than anything.
I'd like to say Fuck You for taking the necklace my mother made for me when I was being registered, then mysteriously being unable to find it once we requested it after I ran away, I wonder what 'safe keeping' means in this coded academic language of yours. I actually felt good after completing the hellish challenges of Red Cliff Academy, but you took allllll that away.
Now it is kind of my mission to educate parents about being involved in their children's lives...to not trust the slick marketing telling them they can send their children away to be fixed...instead to go to real group counseling and spend *gasp* time with their children to figure out what is going on, or send them to family, move to a different city, things of that nature.
If anyone reading this is considering sending their child to Mount Bachelor, don't. Don't. DON'T. Your child is yours, and deserves better. Adolescent years are rough, and at some point they end. Look for character building programs, like Klemmer or other POSITIVE programs to build the good in your children not kill it.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Rewind...
A long time ago, I was doing what I believe I need to be doing now.
I had Kimby Designs...which was my DBA for all the random things I was doing, working on websites, doing illustrations, technical support, all sorts of stuff like that. What I was REALLY doing though was on KimbyDesigns.com (nothing is up there now) and I had something awesome going there, something very therapeutic that I loved working on but that was too overwhelming to maintain (kept getting spam in the message boards) I had almost all my illustrations (can bee seen HERE or @ http://www.cafepress.com/kristinbennett look at the ink drawings) online, along with a story about what they mean to me, along with a place for people to share what the image meant to them.
This is what I want to do now, I think I'm better at promoting my illustrations and work and if I could find a way to make it profitable at all...I'd be in good shape.
It may seem this is a random divergence to reality, it's not as random as it seems...I'm taking a class right now and I'm tasked with coming up with a business plan. Of course I can come up with about a dozen but I have been having trouble thinking up something that I'd actually like to do, this is important because the job applications aren't going well, self employment will be going on with or without a job. If I could have help from other people making it viable even better!!
Anyway...I thought if it because we're supposed to bring in a business card that shows what we do, and when I dug up my old Kimby Designs ones voila! That's how I had designed those. I'll bring those in for sure...
I had Kimby Designs...which was my DBA for all the random things I was doing, working on websites, doing illustrations, technical support, all sorts of stuff like that. What I was REALLY doing though was on KimbyDesigns.com (nothing is up there now) and I had something awesome going there, something very therapeutic that I loved working on but that was too overwhelming to maintain (kept getting spam in the message boards) I had almost all my illustrations (can bee seen HERE or @ http://www.cafepress.com/kristinbennett look at the ink drawings) online, along with a story about what they mean to me, along with a place for people to share what the image meant to them.
This is what I want to do now, I think I'm better at promoting my illustrations and work and if I could find a way to make it profitable at all...I'd be in good shape.
It may seem this is a random divergence to reality, it's not as random as it seems...I'm taking a class right now and I'm tasked with coming up with a business plan. Of course I can come up with about a dozen but I have been having trouble thinking up something that I'd actually like to do, this is important because the job applications aren't going well, self employment will be going on with or without a job. If I could have help from other people making it viable even better!!
Anyway...I thought if it because we're supposed to bring in a business card that shows what we do, and when I dug up my old Kimby Designs ones voila! That's how I had designed those. I'll bring those in for sure...
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Still tired...
I think I'm allergic to a lot of stuff...that in combination with my sacroiliac pain...I'm exhausted!! Yesterday I got a few really sharp pains too, actually cried out. I'm definitely looking forward to the hot tub...(and the PT appointments when I get back).
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Tired me!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Getting ready!
Organization...
Organization is a word that I have never been comfortable with.
Occasionally, I will get motivated and get REALLY organized...however soon that doesn't fit in with the rest of the picture and either meshes with another area in the house or my husband tries to help and confusion follows etc.
Part of the problem, for sure, is being 'into' SO many things at once. What can I say, life is interesting to me!! I have bills out so I can pay them soon as I have enough money, I have pictures out so when I get a chance I can put them up on the wall, clothes on their way to the laundry (actually that shirt's clean I think, maybe I'll wear it!), toys of course, bags I've used that have various books in them I need to keep track of. Books, ahhh the books. Between me and my husband we've seriously considered opening up our apartment as a library for friends to come borrow from, huge variety of business, self help, atlantis, ancient history, technology, tarot/supernatural, and so much more. Oh, then there's my businesses! I have my Arbonne of course, then there is the Trump Network, and also I am a rep for the Passion Parties. Then there is the groups I'm involved in...a daycare board, trying to get on a non-profit board to protect the rights of children, there's the MS Society where I'm trying to fit in but haven't yet, there's my "Moms with MS" site that just launched and is doing well, my blogging for Working Mother website, which I haven't touched much since getting laid off, meetups for the local Moms with MS and Seattle Hip Mamas groups and believe it or not much more...right now I'm distracted because munch is telling me she just spilled a 'little bit' of tea on the floor...hmm...
My mental health specialist I've seen a few times recently recommended I explore finding a sort of grant of some sort for getting organized, apparently this is something that other people with MS have trouble with as well. If you ask my husband, he is straight up convinced that it is because I (like him) have ADD but that I (unlike him) cannot take the medications because I'm nursing Hazel.
Now that I wrote all that I'd like to go try and clean up...actually packing is something I should do as well considering we are trying to be in the house being renovated right now within a month. Which is a whole other can of worms I'm not even going to touch right now. I'll just say it's going however it's meant to and I have faith it'll all happen.
Maybe if I do one of my simpleology exercises now...maybe that'll organize my brain...
Occasionally, I will get motivated and get REALLY organized...however soon that doesn't fit in with the rest of the picture and either meshes with another area in the house or my husband tries to help and confusion follows etc.
Part of the problem, for sure, is being 'into' SO many things at once. What can I say, life is interesting to me!! I have bills out so I can pay them soon as I have enough money, I have pictures out so when I get a chance I can put them up on the wall, clothes on their way to the laundry (actually that shirt's clean I think, maybe I'll wear it!), toys of course, bags I've used that have various books in them I need to keep track of. Books, ahhh the books. Between me and my husband we've seriously considered opening up our apartment as a library for friends to come borrow from, huge variety of business, self help, atlantis, ancient history, technology, tarot/supernatural, and so much more. Oh, then there's my businesses! I have my Arbonne of course, then there is the Trump Network, and also I am a rep for the Passion Parties. Then there is the groups I'm involved in...a daycare board, trying to get on a non-profit board to protect the rights of children, there's the MS Society where I'm trying to fit in but haven't yet, there's my "Moms with MS" site that just launched and is doing well, my blogging for Working Mother website, which I haven't touched much since getting laid off, meetups for the local Moms with MS and Seattle Hip Mamas groups and believe it or not much more...right now I'm distracted because munch is telling me she just spilled a 'little bit' of tea on the floor...hmm...
My mental health specialist I've seen a few times recently recommended I explore finding a sort of grant of some sort for getting organized, apparently this is something that other people with MS have trouble with as well. If you ask my husband, he is straight up convinced that it is because I (like him) have ADD but that I (unlike him) cannot take the medications because I'm nursing Hazel.
Now that I wrote all that I'd like to go try and clean up...actually packing is something I should do as well considering we are trying to be in the house being renovated right now within a month. Which is a whole other can of worms I'm not even going to touch right now. I'll just say it's going however it's meant to and I have faith it'll all happen.
Maybe if I do one of my simpleology exercises now...maybe that'll organize my brain...
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Poor Baby Girl....
My sweet little big girl got so sick today...it seems to be ending now but omg was it scary...
It started at the zoo, where we went to a concert and looked at some animals, fed the birds, saw lots of reptiles, penguins and that sort of thing. Her stomach was hurting though...I asked if she had to go potty and she said yes so we booked it to the restroom which fortunately was close. That's where it started getting strange...I waited outside that bathroom occasionally calling in to see if she was okay and every third time of doing that peeking in to see if she was indeed ok, and after about 20-30 minutes...when I came in she was leaning over the toilet!! Poor girl had puked on the floor of the bathroom and was now leaning over it probably feeling like she'd puke again.
So I used toilet paper and cleaned that up, and then carried her towards the closest food stand thinking I'd get ginger ale...keep in mind this is about 2:45pm on a HOT day and I have Hazel strapped to me as well as carrying a large diaper bag...this was a feat! Then I remembered we had gone to that stand earlier for water and I'd noticed the poor selection. As I was thinking about that I also realized I was about to walk by the exit where we were parked, there was a soda machine there too. I stopped and looked for ginger ale, there wasn't any. Then I decided to just go find a store and get a soda after we left the zoo...so we went to the car, Kenzie seemed hot but okay, and Hazel crashed pronto. I was driving soon and focusing on getting the tempurature down, I'd thought she'd gotten overheated, and I realized I smelled a pukey smell...hmm...amazing how that little bit on her shirt smelled so so much! Eventually I realized this was worth checking out, as we got closer to the stores I was trying to decide between I turned and looked behind me...she had puked all over the front left side of herself as well as her arm, blankets between the carseats, the seat, and all the buckles etc. on her carseat holding her in. Wow. From her I canceled my store mission and started texting Geo like crazy asking for help, however he was (is) frantically working on our house to get us moved into it by September 1 and was in an especially crazy position. So I went home...she was tough and walked from the car to the apartment and into the bathroom, and then into the tub, what a trooper. I got her some more water, made some ginger tea for her to sip on etc...and she kept getting sick. It's been about an hour since the last time she was sick, which was about 9:30pm, and at this point she's been sick a total of 13 times between 2:45 & 9:30pm. Around 4:30 the paramedics came because I was convinced she had heat exhaustion, I think around 6:30 I called the Premera Emergency Nurse line to get their take (since she'd puked 3x since the EMT's left) and basically we decided she probably had a stomach bug...which is much less scary than heat exhaustion. I started tracking everything at that point and had lots of notes from the nurse about how to deal with such a situation, things like no food for 8 hours once puking stops, follow a BRAT diet to start, clear liquids while she's still getting sick, not too much juice, and the big one...if she is still puking by 10:30pm, meaning over 8hr of puking, then take her in somewhere. So around 9:30pm, I sat with her for a while, and explained that one of two things was likely to happen. Either she would fall asleep and wake up feeling much better tomorrow, or she might stay awake, and keep getting sick, which is when I'd call for help, and we might go to the hospital. She is normally TERRIFIED of hospitals having only experienced one when I stood up into a cabinet and my head was gushing blood. However, when I explained that she probably wouldn't, might but probably wouldn't have to get 'poked' (needle/iv etc.), but if she did, it would only be to make her feel better. She was actually okay with this which was amazing, and kind of sad, the spunky girl I know would have flipped out if I said she might have to get poked.
Tomorrow at church I was supposed to be lighting the chalice, (we go to a UU church), which we were going to do as a family, I was late sending in info needed for that and then also realized (within the last hour or two) that it would not be a nice thing to do...coming to church with a recently ill child and her sister and I having been recently exposed to it. So I canceled that, I'm hoping I can do it next weekend though since it will be the day after my one year wedding anniversary...we'll see!
Anyway, right now I'm very grateful to be able to say she is sleeping soundly on the couch...I'm letting her stay there for now with her favorite fuzzy blanket. If she's up and sick we'll probably take her in, but my gut is saying she's just about done with that phase of this bug she's caught.
My poor little big girl...now I'm doing what I can to try avoid any of the rest of us catching this.
It started at the zoo, where we went to a concert and looked at some animals, fed the birds, saw lots of reptiles, penguins and that sort of thing. Her stomach was hurting though...I asked if she had to go potty and she said yes so we booked it to the restroom which fortunately was close. That's where it started getting strange...I waited outside that bathroom occasionally calling in to see if she was okay and every third time of doing that peeking in to see if she was indeed ok, and after about 20-30 minutes...when I came in she was leaning over the toilet!! Poor girl had puked on the floor of the bathroom and was now leaning over it probably feeling like she'd puke again.
So I used toilet paper and cleaned that up, and then carried her towards the closest food stand thinking I'd get ginger ale...keep in mind this is about 2:45pm on a HOT day and I have Hazel strapped to me as well as carrying a large diaper bag...this was a feat! Then I remembered we had gone to that stand earlier for water and I'd noticed the poor selection. As I was thinking about that I also realized I was about to walk by the exit where we were parked, there was a soda machine there too. I stopped and looked for ginger ale, there wasn't any. Then I decided to just go find a store and get a soda after we left the zoo...so we went to the car, Kenzie seemed hot but okay, and Hazel crashed pronto. I was driving soon and focusing on getting the tempurature down, I'd thought she'd gotten overheated, and I realized I smelled a pukey smell...hmm...amazing how that little bit on her shirt smelled so so much! Eventually I realized this was worth checking out, as we got closer to the stores I was trying to decide between I turned and looked behind me...she had puked all over the front left side of herself as well as her arm, blankets between the carseats, the seat, and all the buckles etc. on her carseat holding her in. Wow. From her I canceled my store mission and started texting Geo like crazy asking for help, however he was (is) frantically working on our house to get us moved into it by September 1 and was in an especially crazy position. So I went home...she was tough and walked from the car to the apartment and into the bathroom, and then into the tub, what a trooper. I got her some more water, made some ginger tea for her to sip on etc...and she kept getting sick. It's been about an hour since the last time she was sick, which was about 9:30pm, and at this point she's been sick a total of 13 times between 2:45 & 9:30pm. Around 4:30 the paramedics came because I was convinced she had heat exhaustion, I think around 6:30 I called the Premera Emergency Nurse line to get their take (since she'd puked 3x since the EMT's left) and basically we decided she probably had a stomach bug...which is much less scary than heat exhaustion. I started tracking everything at that point and had lots of notes from the nurse about how to deal with such a situation, things like no food for 8 hours once puking stops, follow a BRAT diet to start, clear liquids while she's still getting sick, not too much juice, and the big one...if she is still puking by 10:30pm, meaning over 8hr of puking, then take her in somewhere. So around 9:30pm, I sat with her for a while, and explained that one of two things was likely to happen. Either she would fall asleep and wake up feeling much better tomorrow, or she might stay awake, and keep getting sick, which is when I'd call for help, and we might go to the hospital. She is normally TERRIFIED of hospitals having only experienced one when I stood up into a cabinet and my head was gushing blood. However, when I explained that she probably wouldn't, might but probably wouldn't have to get 'poked' (needle/iv etc.), but if she did, it would only be to make her feel better. She was actually okay with this which was amazing, and kind of sad, the spunky girl I know would have flipped out if I said she might have to get poked.
Tomorrow at church I was supposed to be lighting the chalice, (we go to a UU church), which we were going to do as a family, I was late sending in info needed for that and then also realized (within the last hour or two) that it would not be a nice thing to do...coming to church with a recently ill child and her sister and I having been recently exposed to it. So I canceled that, I'm hoping I can do it next weekend though since it will be the day after my one year wedding anniversary...we'll see!
Anyway, right now I'm very grateful to be able to say she is sleeping soundly on the couch...I'm letting her stay there for now with her favorite fuzzy blanket. If she's up and sick we'll probably take her in, but my gut is saying she's just about done with that phase of this bug she's caught.
My poor little big girl...now I'm doing what I can to try avoid any of the rest of us catching this.
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