Holidays!!

Wow, they sure crept up on me this year!!

I love spending time with family and friends, and for the most part the holidays are great for that, the only problem is in my opinion, with everything squished into one day here and there, it creates such a time crunch when trying to fit so many things together.

It makes me appreciate the way that KWANZAA is, spread out over so many days and focused on specific positive thoughts each day.

I have to admit I'm also reflecting on the fact that I'm single during the holidays this year. Last year I had a fleeting but beautiful relationship during this time of year, and the 6 years before that I was with Kenzie's dad. The last Holiday with him was Christmas, and it was miserable. I'd write about it except it was depressing as hell. New Years right after was my first holiday alone with my baby girl, we had fun then, the two of us at home with apples, pears, cheese etc. it was very sweet. It's not really a big deal just something new I suppose.

I'm trying to decide if I feel like dating or not, I mean I'd love to go on some dates, but do I want to put myself out there on a dating site or something as single? I kind of don't think so, not right now. Who knows though maybe I'll change my mind tomorrow, later today even. I did meet a lot of maybes through my whole dating online experiences, and each one of course each one taught me a lesson too...if not more than one.

I read an interesting article my mom sent me, it was by someone named Maureen, I think she's famous, doing what I don't know, probably something political. But it talked about studies that basically concluded that guys really don't like being with a more motivated/driven person than they are. Unfortunately, it had some statistics to support this. At the same time though, the women with high goals and drive also are also turned off by a man who isn't very motivated, or expresses any kind of problem with her being motivated (which I find to be true! I don't have much patience for laziness).

I kind of feel like I'm in a kind of feminist quandry, I'm independent, confident and love to accomplish everything I can and think about how much more I can do. I like to try and keep up my appearance and image as well. Ironically, this article seems to imply that the things about myself that I am most proud of...seem to kind of make guys feel inadequate and/or not interested in dealing with me. I don't really like that, but I am not going to play dumb for anybody.

No matter what happens or what I decide to do though, I'm going to make sure it is fun and that Kenzie and I enjoy the company of lots of good people, NO negative energy PLEASE.