Healing...

It is definitely taking place, my typing is speeding back up!

Yesterdays sensory changes were good, a step towards having feeling a gain but man was it distracting...I think the best description that I had for what I was experiencing was that a lot of my skin on the right side felt like I had just had duct tape ripped off of it. Raw and kind of irritated sensation, also similar to a mild burn.

Now most of this is gone and I'm much closer to having normal feelings, my right hand is still numbish particularly on my ring and pinky finger. I'm still getting typo's related to that for sure. It was almost scary being at the neuro's office doing the finger tap test (tapping your index, then middle, ring & pinky on thumb one at a time as fast as possible) because I 'could' do it pretty fast, and was afraid he wouldn's see the problem, "I know this doesn't look bad but I can normally type at 79 words a minute" I said...I don't know if I can type that fast at this moment, certainly not wi/out typo's. I'm so glad to be able to type though, I've been blogging mosty by phone only because I could do it with my left hand.

Today I am starting with the Prednisone, Solumedrol was what I took for 5 days via IV in the hospital starting Wednesday last week and the Prednisone is meant to be a 'taper' off of that. I am hoping that the side effects aren't too intense or disruptive because I think I had it pretty easy with the Solumedrol. Thanks to the level headedness of my husband I didn't get to many of the moody symptoms, or I should say when I did he was able to help to not escalate my frustrations about some not so serious things.

Also fortunately I haven't seen side effects in Hazel, which is what I was equally if not more nervous about. It is definitely an emotional and trust testing experience to let them pump drugs into my body through my veins when I am feeding my baby from my body as well, knowing that some even if not much (they say) is being passed along to her. Not to mention my supply dropped a lot which made the 'pumping and dumping' that I was doing in he beginning near impossible. Her pediatrician said it was fine so long as it wasn't a long term steroid treatment and my neuro said to just go by what the pediatrician said...again I just hope with the taper drug, Prednisone, it doesn't mess with us too much.

On the good side, I'm up now, it's about 6am, been up for about half an hour, and I thought it was so much later...lol, Geoff and I had a great conversation last night about what we are doing and what needs to be done and I'm motivated and energized to get started. I'd thought he was already up and out jogging but it isn't even time for that yet! I feel like I'm getting some delayed energy from the 'roids or delayed nesting from back when I was pregnant or something. Or maybe I'm getting my soul, body and spirit finally in line and working in the same direction.

On our way!

We just fed baby and are on our way south to go visit Audrey and soon to be cousin Adele!! Hazel is ready and excited!

Kenzie at beach

Great place to be while waiting for mommy to finish up her last round of steroids at the hospital.

I am feeling something!

Starting this morning, about the time I was washing my face before going to the hospital I started noticing my right ring and pinky finger felt funny. They felt like they were blustered almost, or like a mild burn, and now, way later I feel it more and it is also on my palm and bottom of my right foot.

I don't think it feels 'good' persay, yet I do at the same time. My balance I think is getting better and I was able to walk and carry plates tonight without spilling too much. A lot of my experience with MS is like being tipsy but not feeling the buzz of having a couple drinks. I felt like I looked drink even though I drank no alcohol just some soda.

I'm totally exhausted yet hyper, think everything i'm dealing with us funny yet pisses me off, and of course am trying to do my best too stay focused on the bright side.

Off to go curl up with my beautiful sleeping girls now after a lively conversation with my lovely man Geoffrey.

Sweet dreams, find pleasure in chaos and all is well.

Kenzie's first haircut

Day 4

Right now I am getting an IV of steroids. It is Day 4 which means tomorrow is my last day of this treatment, a taper of prednisone starts after that which is pills, done with IV's for a while after that.

I have been thinking a lot about what is happening and why. I believe it all is happening for a combination of reasons. Many stemming from past and present stress. Also it is building my reserve of stories to be told and lessons to be learned. I will be a very wise woman someday.

I am also taking as ment steps as possible to avoid this in the future. I am working my way back to following the swank diet because I did well and felt bettet when following a low fat diet in the past anyway, I also started the Arbonne Hybrid supplement program which I have known many people to have wonderful health and energy benefits from.

I am walking every day, usually with the stroller now which helps with my balance as a walker would. Geoff helps me too letting me hold his pocket for support.

Emotionally I am I think taking the most extreme steps. I will be going to Klemmer as Geoff did starting sometime in June or August. I will be seeing a neuropsych next week to discuss all i'm doing and are what kind of tips and recommendations she has. My friend recently became certified in hypnotherapy as well and we sill do what we can with that.

I feel the most driven to get better to care for my girls. Yesterday Kenzie my 3yo was in tears when they dropped me off at the hospital. I don't want her to be scared like that. I want to be the strong mom that both of them deserve and to run and play with them again and always. Kenzie hasn't been able to really play with me for a year or so what with the pregnancy limiting my rough housing capabilities, then being busy with baby and now with the MS she just wants her mommy back. I want the same.

Bye bye sun!

Music on the beach!

Day 2 - 1.5 hours post infusion

Yesterday I did not notice many (any?) side effects of the Solu-medrol that I have started taking, that is until I got up at 3:30am, realizing that I had not been asleep yet, and that I was starting to get a headache. I managed at some point to fall asleep for ab0ut an hour and a half or so after reading more of my book.

Day 1 - 7 hours post infusion

I really don't feel different and do not know if it is a good or a bad thing. I didn't feel flushed, hyper, ravenous, more sensory or balanced feeling or anything since or during the infusion that started 7 hours ago. I hope this does something and is worth it. Using the stroller as a walker right now to walk by the water. . . Trying to find some inner peace.

Infusion Mornings

My MS has been acting up for about a week and a half now, and is starting to affect my walking, typing, driving and even my texting! Basically it is mostly sensory loss on my right side. Not complete, but I would estimate about 85% at this point, I can still move everything though which I am grateful for.

I'll now be getting an IV to start myDay for 3-5 days. I read up on it, I could get anxious (even more) and hyper, which will be great if I can get things done, not so much if moving remains a challenge. I will be taking solumedrol also prednisone to taper off the steroids.

I followed some friendly advice from friends to avoid caffeine but I am definitely craving some coffee!

This will be day one, I'm in the waiting room now to get started. I hope it helps a lot and that it helps fast.

My phone works again!

Hello world!!

I finally have my cel phone hooked up to send pictures to my Blog! It's the first time since google took over that I've been able to set it up!

So you'll be seeing more pictures like this:

IMG00489.jpg

Grateful

I'm very grateful for people who are a part of my life.

See, I'm very independent...at least I've tried to be, and honestly I think I've tried to be independent to a fault. Lots and lots of people have offered to help in many ways, yet I still have a hard time asking for help. Long story short (for real this time), I asked for help tonight. I got home after a long day., exhausted, and my MS feeling like it is still really acting up with numbness on my right side...and then I realized I had about 3 diapers left. I asked my neighborhood church group for help and someone responded within about an hour or two!

I feel lucky to have access to such kind people who will help even with an errand to the store when I need it without criticizing me...Thank you WSUU.

Best $20 spent EVER!!

Oh my god...

No joke, this item has made me a happy person, and I have a feeling that soon, I will be even happier. Here's the story:

"It all started Tuesday night...I got the girls to bed probably around 10pm, then I stayed up doing who knows what until (gasp!) 2am. Not a huge deal, we usually get up pretty late. But then...Wednesday morning came and they had me up at 5:30am!!! Yes, this is 3.5 hours after I went to bed 8-[. So yesterday...oh yesterday...it was a rough day. Actually the daytime part was pretty good, but then it was bed time again. Kenzie didn't 'want' to sleep, I started the process around 8pm so we had time to read books. We read books and at some point, Hazel started crying. Hazel started yelling. Hazel would NOT go to sleep or be consoled, holding her, nursing, her vibrating chair, nothing could soothe whatever was wrong with her. I was losing my mind, I told Geoff I didn't want any more kids, I cried, then I REALLY cried, it was bad. I eventually gave her some gas medicine that I think eventually saved me. She went down around 10:30pm which isn't too bad, but considering the amount of sleep I was running on, it was LATE. Today I woke up, and felt the way I usually do after crying the night before, (which is happening pretty often with all these hormones in my system), kind of dazed, relaxed, face felt a bit swollen (love that my eye shadow has cucumber in it!!), and I functioned, but was tired, I felt 'spent'. I had a boost of energy around 4pm when I went to go get Kenzie, I was recruited to be a consultant for someone through the NMSS to help organize and hopefully soon facilitate a support group for Mom's with MS and lots of other good things. I picked up Kenzie with energy, excited to go for a walk while she rode her bike etc. For once she didn't want to though...and soon after we got home Hazel started crying...she seemed calm when I held her to my shoulder, but with my right side being partially numb, my left arm is getting SORE. She wouldn't go down! Then I remembered an item I purchased earlier... which I pulled out, plugged in and after laying just a few moments with her ... long story short she is DOWN. She is peacefully sleeping like a BABY."

I absolutely love my:

Now I'll tell you another story, about how I learned about this item, which I think is shorter, we'll see:

"This morning, after dropping off Kenzie, I went home, I had a plan today of RELAXING...after the last few nights I was beat. I had to pee though! So I went to the bathroom and whoops...used the last of the toilet paper! Needless to say I grabbed Hazel and ran right back out the door to go get T.P. (right after changing her diaper). We made it to Target where I picked up a shirt, some gifts for a party this weekend, a journal, blah blah. We left there, I put the stuff in the trunk and then realized I needed to print some pictures! I grabbed my camera and went back into Target to get them printed. They didn't have the digital ordering system there that printed right away but they directed me to Rite Aid, I decided I needed the exercise anyway I walked over to the Rite Aid & got my pictures (grandma needs some). Then walked to Starbucks...figured after all that, it was still before noon so I could get a drink. While in line, I got into a conversation with the woman behind me about babies! Turns out she has a 6 week old that wasn't with her, then we started chatting with the woman in front of me who is due in about 7 weeks who had this item in her hand. I asked her about it because I know listening to Geoff's meditation CD helps me sometimes, she went on and on about how wonderful it is and so I asked where she got it and it was in the same area...(yay!). So I stopped at one more store along the way to get goggles and a stretchy excercise thing and picked up this Homedics Sound Spa thing. I'm glad I didn't forget the toilet paper."

Guess I felt like typing/talking ;-)

Now Hiring -- Direct Sales

Direct Sales is something that has intrigued me for years. At one point or another I've signed up with: Ideal Health, Passion Parties, Just For Fun, & now I am working with Arbonne (and I could connect you to the other things too!).

I'm looking for people who like me are driven to provide higher quality products and experiences into the lives of those that they care about. To teach about the importance of detox, introduce weight loss options, introduce hormone therapy, maybe do a few makeover parties too, and to value themselves enough to get paid what they are really worth based on their desire and willingness to make it happen.

Now that I'm really 'in it' I am really surprised at the resistance that I get from people when I mention what I do, how I make my money, etc. One common phrase that comes up is 'Pyramid Scheme', which completelly confuses me, as the network marketing, MLM, Direct Sales companies I've been involved with all were more of a mountain range than a pyramid. I feel and have always felt confident, for instance, that at any given point I could easily by-pass my upline in earnings if I really put my all into it. When I was working for a corporation I didn't feel so confident that I could take the CEO's position...honestly I do not see how anyone who actually takes the time to look at these things could possibly believe that direct marketing (think farmers market) is less fair and trustworthy than big business (think walmart). I feel confident that I am selling people high quality products. I am buying high quality products from other friends who are also involved in good Direct Sales companies. I love that I am compensated based on MY effort, not anyone elses mood or perception of how hard I am working. I am paid on straight numbers, commissions based on what I sell, who I sponsor etc. What could possibly be more fair than that? I can't get fired...I can take a day off whenever I want, I just have to accept that could affect my income a bit, at least until I build my business more.

I'm also finally getting back to improving that which is me. I am delving into my past, working on writing my bio, attending an empowered living class, staying active on all the teams I am a part of, spending time with my girls, and mailing a check to my bank evry couple of days from people who have bought product, commission checks, and checks for random side jobs I've taken on at the same time. No big checks yet I will admit, but that is because I'm just getting started, those will be coming soon enough.

There are a lot of you out there, who tell people about the good stuff you use, why not get paid for it?

I'm learning more about what I'm doing evrey day..and improving every couple of hours.

New Store

I just made this new store, it's through a site called VisualDNA. If you have a chance please check it out and comment to let me know what you think...I'll be replying and commenting too, I just got it configured and so am curious to check it out myself. Please be sure to comment so I know you checked it out!!

Here it is:



Remember please comment to let me know you checked it out...I'm interested in learning if it really works to select products of interest to you based on your selections in the visual quiz embedded in it. (this one is focused towards moms)

Thanks!

Out of the BOX

Geoff came back recently from an amazing experience with an organization called Klemmer. I was home with the girls, which had it's pro's and con's, lol. Lots of time with them, and also of course some hard times.

Anyway, a big part of me was very jealous that he got to go and work on his personal mastery, we both are working hard on self improvement and dealing with demons of the past in order to move forward in life as we're convinced that on some level they are holding us back. It's time to put an end to that so we can move on to doing what we are really supposed to be working on and put these demons to rest.

Fortunately, we are also both very dedicated to maintaining our relationships with each other. Both having come from broken homes, we are fully aware that it requires effort and we are more than willing to put in the time. We have a great book by John Gottman we are working through and it is absolutely helping, especially in this time where I've felt disconnected from this beautiful journey he is on with Klemmer, it brings us back in line.

He brought back with him a book that I picked up and started reading, finished last night that is a very very good book that refers to our 'box' and how important it is, both professionally and personally it is to stay out of it. I'm glad he brought this book home because it was an easy read, and I feel like it was a very profound simple life lesson summarized beautifully.

I believe that for anyone who is experiencing trouble with their teenagers, employees, spouse, or family should read this. It should be required for those considering sending or want to avoid feeling like they need to send, their kids off to the wilderness or a boarding school to be fixed as well. Also if you buy it through the link above it will give me some commission...and help get us through this journey called life...